Today was one of the hardest days of my life. I realized something...We had this class. Like every other day of the week. Doing exercises. Techniques. One paticular technique pushed us to remember our childhood. Nothing wrong about that. Nothing at all. Still I couldn't quite get into the state the teacher wanted us to. Why? I guess I was all right. Or at least my childhood was. Or so I thought. Then the teacher said something. Made us remember something else. My mother's hands. And I was gone. It hit me like a bolt from the blue. I just couldn't stop myself. Crying. Crying like there is no tomorrow. Could't stop. The teacher had to pull me out of it. Saying; "Just breathe...breathe...take a deep breath in and out...breathe..." Then slowly I got back in control. Very slowly. The teacher asked me if I had issues with my mother, did she pass, I said no. We talked some more, she gave me some advice how to mend it. Nothing really to be mended. Yet it is.
What I found out in that moment is that my feelings are very strong. Perhaps even stronger that I have ever realized. And I need to do something about that. Just not yet. Because it's powerful. And I want to thank her. Tell her right to her face. And that's why.
It was amazing.
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