Travel blog: Monday, 31st of August

Another mind blower, now that I'm recapping everything that happened… Still at the LAX. It's now a couple minutes past 5PM. My flight isn't until 9:16PM so I've got some time. Yesterday I treated myself and spent a whole day in Universal City theme park. It was amazing. But what exactly was so amazing? After I visited all the attractions I already knew I decided I would not stop there and just go to the cinema but that I would go on and visit some of the attractions I haven't before. The Mummy, The Simpson's Ride, Shrek4D, …

Although the line at The Simpson's Ride was so long that I waited for at least an hour to actually get into the vehicle, I was astonished. The best ride ever!! People, it actually takes you into a whole another world! And I'm not just saying that! It's like you're INSIDE the show. Forget about Shrek 4D or the Terminator . This ride was in a class of its own. And all the time I was waiting in the line I was thinking; “Should I just get to some other ride or wait it out?”. I waited and it was absolutely worth it. The other amazement was The Mummy rollercoaster. At first I scratched it off my list but then I heard from some people passing by that it's even faster that idontknowhat. So, that's why I thought; “Hm, perhaps it's worth a try.”

Frankly, I thought, that it was another skeleton wrapped in mummy wrappings-dropping out of the ceiling- roaring-dark-dull-ride. But what those people were saying changed my mind. And was I in for a rush or what. If you ask me, the whole ride lasted for about a minute. Perhaps it was longer than that, but the speed was breathtaking. I screamed my lungs out! And of course, at the end of the ride, when I was happily in a most ravishing peaceful moment of that entire day, the whole thing stuck, and the staff had to get us out of the carts one by one manually – how's that for »I'm never getting in that cart again« thought? But surprisingly, some people wanted to go again! Well, it's a free country. Luckily it was theme park closing time so the staff shut the whole thing down anyway. All's well that ends well.

Travel blog: Thursday, 18th of August

Vanilla...vanilla... Do you know what that means? Do I? Today I got a lesson I'll never forget. We were sitting in this classroom. Doing impressions. We each had to come up with a special person and then do an impression of that person. I did too. So did my classmates. One impression in particular made me think. When the teacher said, that she wouldn't want to be that person. Because she felt that person might grow up to be "vanilla". Now what does that mean? Do you know? Well, let's say you’re looking upon a grassy field and there you see sheep feeding. All white save one. That one, the black one, is something special. Others, no matter how hard they try, they will still be average. All white. All vanilla. I guess in life, we are all trying not to end up "vanilla" style, but to be someone special. That got me thinking... Do you know what flavor I like best? Vanilla tea. Vanilla ice cream. Vanilla yoghurt... Well, what does that say about me? I wish I knew.

Travel blog: Wednesday, 12th of August

Last Sunday I set out to Vegas. I even packed a little bag. Just in case. It was 10AM and before I got on the 134 Ventura East I stopped at the market to pick up a few things for the road; Evian, Starbucks, some vitamins. Then I took off. It was a nice day to ride. Still, in Cali, it almost always is. My first test was getting to a gas station. It's not like in Slovenia, you know, you see a gas station, pull over, get gas, pay and you're on your way. Here, it's like, you get off the freeway, find a gas station, first pay, then you get gas (if you know which one), get change, by then you're all sweaty (well at 95 F, there's nothing else you can do), get in the car, find the right freeway entrance again (north? south? east? west?).

You better know where you're going and how or you'll end up in the middle of nowhere with no gas. So, then you're on your way. Speed limit 65 or 70, although almost everyone is passing you by. Some are even honking the car horn as if to say; "C'm on!! I can get out and run faster than this!!" Those are the ones going 75-80mph. You just don't pay any attention to all that and watch the freeway markings. So you get where you're going. I did just that. Didn't stop too much thru this 4 and a half hour drive. Just once. In Primm. Man, what a traffic jam it was. I actually just needed to go to the restroom. I lost a whole hour looking for it. I got hungry too. Every "healthy" place I wanted to go to was either closed or overbooked. So I did as any hungry person would do - I got some fries and a chicken burger at the golden arches. It was just what I needed.

So, getting to Vegas was a nice trip. Mostly the landscape was what got me most. Open, free landscapes all over. Making you think. So did I hit the strip as soon as I got in? No. I went and met with my friend in Green Valley. A very charming place. It had a sort of European look to it. Well, except for the palm trees of course. I settled in my friend’s house, got into the shower and then we hit the strip. Just driving thru on Las Vegas Blvd was a real city of lights experience. And jammed too. So by the time we got thru the whole stripping lights thing we were quite hungry. Craving sugar. And we got it at Bellagio - best pancakes I ever had. Since it was almost midnight by then we decided to turn in. I had a peaceful sleep. I needed it. For what was about to happen, none could ever predict...

In the morning I left for Bulder City heading to Hoover Dam. Nice ride too. I stopped in Bulder City where, I must say, the town has really grown since I last visited in 2002. Hoover Dam is nearby so I was there in no time. A lot of construction going on there so the view is not so plain anymore. Don't know what the construction is all about but I must say that it's quite scary how the water level has dropped. Really scary. Still, the number of people in the area has grown from 300.000 to 2 mill, so... Anyway - I decided I'm gonna do something I haven't done before in my life - take a helicopter ride! And I sure did. What a rush!! I loved it. You can understand how all this excitement can really take it out of you, so I went to get some lunch right at the Dam - a banana. All set! And drove back to the city of lights to get one last look at the strip, buy a few trinkets and grab some “fettuccini al Fredo”. Going back to my friend's place I saw the most beautiful sight - Guitar Center. Of course I went in! Did I buy a guitar? I guess you'll just have to wait and see. Let's just say I was compensated. I met with my friend one last time to say thank you for taking me in like that and begun the journey back to LA at 8PM on Monday.

The night has already fallen and I could see millions of lights covering the city. About a half an hour later I started to feel real sick to my stomach. I've had a little headache before, when I was on the strip bit didn't think too much of it and took a pill. I thought perhaps it was because of too much sun. It gets pretty hot in the desert. But no. This was different. My hands were shaking, I felt like my head is gonna explode and I had a really sickening feeling in my stomach. And it was getting worse. I turned off the radio and stopped by the side of the road. Nothing. Didn't get better, didn't get worse. I got into the car again and drove for another 45 minutes. It got worse again and I stopped again thinking I'm gonna throw up. Didn't. I made another attempt to drive further but now in my mind the words "I'm not gonna get to LA" were beginning to grow. I desperately wanted to keep on driving. It was dark. I was in the middle of nowhere between Las Vegas and LA. Who knows what is lurking on the vast open spaces. I didn't want to stop. Yet I had to. Again. By then it was around 10:30PM. Just sitting in my car trying to calm down. Trying to feel better. My stomach was in a really bad shape, so was my head. Like it was going to burst. I was totally dehydrated.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared at the rear of my car. The police. I just waited in the car and didn't move. The policeman came to the right hand window and knocked; "What's going on?", he asked in a totally normal fashion. I said: "I got a really bad headache, and..." But policeman interrupted: "You can't stop here. This is the freeway. You can't stop on the freeway. Even if it's in construction. There's and exit right in front of you, you can stop there." I got worried, I'm not gonna find my way back to the freeway if I exit: "But if I exit, how can I get back to the I-15 South?" The policeman saw that I'm no criminal and explained what I can do, so I got on the shoulder and got off the freeway.

Another "stopping point" didn't help. It was somewhat more peaceful but there was this big truck, that has pulled over just like me and was looking to grab a couple of winks. It scared me. So I couldn't relax, get everything out of my head and just sleep. Even if it meant driving some more feeling like I felt, I got on the I-15 South again. Found a resting area a couple minutes away and parked the car. It was now around 1:30AM. I didn't want to go on anymore. The dark and the desert were really getting to me. I wanted to wait for the sun. The stomach and my head were not getting better at all and I just wanted to sleep. And try to relax. It was hard. Every now and then a new truck pulled in to the resting area and woke me up. At times I jumped up in the back seat to see what's going on around the car. If there's something suspicious. The hours came and went. The sunrise was getting closer and closer and it seemed like I was starting to feel better. Was it the upcoming sunrise? Was it that I was finally beginning to relax? I don't know.

At about 5:30 I decided to get up and get out of the car. Try to walk a little bit. And go to the restroom. When I got out the sun was just beginning to show it's face. The sky was clear, I could still se the Northern Star and the colors of the sky in the East were amazing. Beautiful. Rosy mostly but all the colors of a morning rainbow. I leaned against the car and just watched the sunrise for a couple of minutes. Then got into the car and drove on. I thought I could make it now. I was wrong. In about 30 minutes my stomach started to complain again and my headache got worse again. This time it was fierce. I stopped like a madman and jumped out of the car. This time it all came out. I was beat, beaten and down. I felt like I was going to die. I didn't know what to do. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't go on. I needed a port in that storm. Fast. I got into the car and slowly drove on with only one thing in my mind - room, bed, sleep. I got into the first Inn I laid my eyes on and fell into the bed.

It was in late afternoon on Tuesday that I begun to gather my bearings again. Wouldn't eat anything though but I did feel a little better. I did manage to get some crackers in me and the lady at the Inn told me that Green tea is good for me and that she can also get me a 7UP. That it will calm my stomach. I agreed. Frankly I was open to any suggestion that could make me feel better. In my room I just lied there like a vegetable. Trying to relax. I drunk the tea and contemplated on whether or not I should drink the 7UP. Eventually I drunk some and it helped. Then I slept. And slept and slept. I woke up on Wednesday at 6AM. Got up. Got into the shower. My headache was almost gone and my stomach didn't complain that much anymore. I was beginning to think I got thru. Still, ... I knew the lady at the Inn told me that breakfast was at 7, but I didn't want to count too much on it. I packed my stuff and got everything into the car. I was weary and week. I had to eat something. I managed to get some plain toast down. Took some bottled water and decided to hit the road.

Driving on Wednesday morning was tense but all right. I was still "on hold" concerning the stomach but felt like I'm gonna make it. I had a couple of miles to Victorville and then another 70 or so to LA. There was a moment when I thought: "Man, it's really beautiful here." And it was. The wide open spaces, the road, the clear blue sky. It started to get to me. I remembered something Mr. Brooks said to me: "Your body will tell you." My body will tell me. Every down has its up. And there will be sunshine after the rain. The important thing is to keep on going.

Travel blog: Saturday, 8th of August

Today was one of the hardest days of my life. I realized something...

We had this class. Like every other day of the week. Doing exercises. Techniques. One paticular technique pushed us to remember our childhood. Nothing wrong about that. Nothing at all. Still I couldn't quite get into the state the teacher wanted us to. Why? I guess I was all right. Or at least my childhood was. Or so I thought. Then the teacher said something. Made us remember something else. My mother's hands. And I was gone. It hit me like a bolt from the blue. I just couldn't stop myself. Crying. Crying like there is no tomorrow. Could't stop. The teacher had to pull me out of it. Saying; "Just breathe...breathe...take a deep breath in and out...breathe..." Then slowly I got back in control. Very slowly. The teacher asked me if I had issues with my mother, did she pass, I said no. We talked some more, she gave me some advice how to mend it. Nothing really to be mended. Yet it is.

What I found out in that moment is that my feelings are very strong. Perhaps even stronger that I have ever realized. And I need to do something about that. Just not yet. Because it's powerful. And I want to thank her. Tell her right to her face. And that's why.

It was amazing.

Travel blog: Wednesday, 5th of August

You know how you get the feeling that everything in your life is building towards something? Some big moment? When something you expected or didn't expect is going to happen? Well, in the last 3 days I've had many of these moments...building towards something...but for the first time in my life, I've let it burst out! And it felt good. Not straight away. I mean, I was really struck down at first, my body was shaking and I needed to sit down otherwise I would've fainted or something. But when the rush fainted away I felt at peace like never before. Like never before. That's a real power. The power to do with your instrument what you want to do. And actually do it. It's amazing. Takes your breath away and makes you cry like a baby. If you only let it. Just let it.

Travel blog: Saturday, 1st of August

Though the plain ride was a little nerve-wracking for me yesterday I'm now peacefully content in my studio casita. It's all I hoped it would be; huge bed with extra linens, a bathroom with enough space to relax in and a kitchen with all the appliances I need. Even the radio - did I tell you about the radio? When I got here from the LAX airport (a 45 minute ride), I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. After being on a plane for 12 hours straight you can imagine… I went up the stairs, to my apartment number 28 and opened the door...a calm, sweet music was playing...then I spotted it. It was on the night shelf next to the bed, a white old fashioned styled radio, with blue light surrounding it, with "let's relax with soft jazz" on 94,7 playing. The soft lights were on in the studio and complementary green tea with lemon waiting for me. I thought I've just died and gone to heaven.

moving to LA

well, not actually moving to LA but going there. still i wouldn't mind getting a more or less permanent address over there on the malibu beach :-). you know what i mean. so in about a month i'm going to be out in the california sun working hard. getting another closer look at the movie making profession. this year i'll be keeping a travel blog so all of you :-) who are reading this blog will get a first hand look into the movie making magic with me :-) ... welcome to the windmills of my mind...

trust no 1

that's the phrase that's been going thru my mind lately. why? well, first of all because there's just no real "freedom" left in the world. that's my opinion anyway. everyone, well almost everyone, is just trying to get the most out of you. but the catch is they leave you totally drained out!! i mean totally! and they don't even know it. or they pretend not to know it. i know they're not really that stupid to not notice, are they? and what's worse, they expect you to be grateful to just be able to work in the same environment as them. i don't like this picture at all. i guess someone might say; "if you don't like your situation, change it!" yes, i get it. still it's easier said than done. you agree? drained out. that's what i am right now. i feel like there's nothing really going on for me. a lot of back-stabbers in the process as well. unfortunately. more and more actually.

i got nowhere to look for a helping hand. every aspect of my life is going from bad to worse. on top of which, guys from work are constantly bugging me and expect me to be answering the phone every time they feel like calling me or every time they need something to be done. what am i a piece of furniture they can just move around however they please?? ok, perhaps it's not that terrible to you, but it's damn frustrating for me. i've prectically stopped sleeping and eating and still the pressing is getting worse. when i finally muster a little private time i'm so tired i can just sit on the sofa like a vegetable and watch tv. is this a life? i don't think so. something's gotta give. i just hope they don't push me so far that it'll take for me to be pushing up daisies before they realise they should have lightened up and given me some space. how about that ...

chrisis? yes, yes, financial chrisis. it's a very, very, good excuse to drain everybody that's working in the world till they drop dead isn't it? of course. as long as the people above stay happy, right?

gosh, even in my blog i'm talking about work. see how far they pushed me? actually i'm waiting for my car to be ready. front light is broken and needs to be fixed. it's nice to have someone to talk to in the meantime :-) really. even you. i don't even know who you are. ain't that funny? yes, i find it very funny how one can feel better talking to someone they don't even see. so thank you.

well, it looks like the 1st is all i can give you right now.

back to the USA

i've decided to make another venture into the west. it's been quite a while since i've been there and i miss it. i miss the beach (even though i can't suntan because i get alergies), i miss the people, nice, friendly people, i miss the "show businees scent" in the air and i miss the tention of "oh, am i gonna meet a celebrity today?", kind of a jig.

so, yes i'm going back. in august i believe, if everything goes well. so if there's anybody out there who also has such plans i wouldn't mind a roommate :-). e-mail me, if you seek adventure too.